I was on verge of fighting with so not my husband friend thinking how my life would be if it goes the way I wish it to. Can I imagine living a secured life with a person who has always been protected by his mom first and then by me. The thought became a valid concern when my dad had fight with our neighbor who is 80 years old, over parking. The road does not belong to anyone but government. In this colony, everybody parks on road because apparently, the ancestors who built these houses never imagined the any of their offspring to progress enough to buy cars. They were entirely wrong because the whole road is cramped with cars except for our neighbors. The solution these fights, usually comes with the power. Our car is not only bigger, but they are 2 in number too. How does this man expect us to leave space for his bike? We even offered a solution that they can park bike in our lane because car cannot be parked there due to space issues, our lane being 90 degrees to the main road. The fight began and lasted for around 45 minutes everybody cursing that old guy. Many of such fights where right and wrong is one millimeter away, are won by the power and money.

Now me being a woman in her 20s started imagining what would happen if I and my suitor were in the same case. This guy is extremely lazy and has never been seen fighting even a mosquito. He is of slim demeanor barely handling himself well. How did I imagine to be his wife? What led me to do so. Except for the fact that he is extremely intelligent, sharp and quick, there is nothing pertaining to social life that I expect him to do well at. When he came to me with the proposal I was living in the gated society in far away city, never facing these kinds of real-life challenges. I never understood what he liked about me. I am not physically attractive for sure and now that I think of it, I think I gave him sense of belonging and protection. I am somebody who is ready to fight and jump in all these kinds of scenarios. Never in my life, have I left such opportunity. Once I wanted to punch a guy and called my dad for his advice. When in argument, I truly lose it. Maybe this is what attracted him to me. We come not only from different background but also from entirely different upbringing. Our values and morals do not match even 0.0000001 percent. Then why are we still together. In the first year, while dating him, I must have broken up with him every day, but we always came back to being together. No fight lasted more than a day but then why am I re-visiting my decision today. I was in the washroom thinking all about it when one thought led to another. I started thinking about another friend of mine who has political reach, is well off working in foreign country, more importantly who showed interest in me during college days. Why did I never feel anything for him although he belongs to same caste and marrying him would be much easy. I have known him to fierce fighter, then why do I not feel anything for him. Despite feeling nothing, I felt that it’s a wiser decision to marry him because he can fulfill that sense of security. Not only mine, he is powerful enough to fulfill this sense of security of all my relatives. While I was pondering on ways to cheat on my current partner, the words pseudo feminist, that my current friend calls me rang, in my mind. The thoughts proceeded on the same line, and I started thinking that I who always command change in favor of woman, should protect my friend. Why am I running away from this side of feminism? Is it true that we only want best things out of this agenda of feminism? This self-reflection mirrored the shallowness in my thoughts and wants. What is so wrong in woman protecting a man. Except for the physical power, these fights can easily be resolved with dialogues. Then, why must I depend on him for this sense of security. My dad has always been there for me. He is a person who can motivate you to slap people if they stare at you. He has made me believe that I am as strong as tiger. In fact, he calls us all lion when he addresses us in local language. The why am I scared of this world. I have lived alone on my own for entire 2 years. I never needed a guys help to fight for me. I have fought my own battles. Or is it something else. Maybe I don’t want to fight his battles. But then why should I expect him to do so for me. So, the question remains there. Am I strong enough to provide any guy a sense of security, I concluded that belief is a very strong thing. If I believe I can, I might find ways to do so. I have extracted money from the fraud who fooled my guy. I did not know anything about the process, but I did it because I thought I can, and I will. I gave it my 100 percent and nailed it. Thousands of people were amazed by me. They thought I am supersmart, but the point is, Maybe I can. So, I will just stop thinking about ways of dumping this guy and live with his intelligence that I have extreme respect for. Embrace them for what they are. No one will ever score 100percent on that list. Don’t try to think about it, this is love. Respect feelings here.